cooking

I am going to attempt to cook tonight!  Key word: attempt. I have been dying to get back in the kitchen, but my stomach just won't allow it.  So at lunch today, I am going get the ingredients to our favorite taco soup (since I can cook once and eat for days) and make dinner tonight.  It's a super easy recipe loaded with meat, vegetables, and beans--all of which I can eat and will give me energy (fingers crossed!).

The hardest part about not being able to cook is learning that I have to let Joel do things for me and it doesn't make me a bad wife when he comes home to a sink piled high, dishes on the side tables, and dust bunnies making their home in the corners. He continues to make supper, do the dishes, and pick up around the house whenever he sees then need.

So why is it so hard for me to let him do this?  Mainly, because I know how much he loves coming home to a hot meal (though he never expects it) and relaxing after a long 10-hr day. Maybe I just feel like I'm using up too much of his kindness, but that would imply that it might run out, which it won't.  It's hard to just sit back and watch him do all these things because I'd rather be the one doing for him.  Our marriage is very much based on doing and thinking of the other before ourselves, so we naturally do things for each other--and it works for us.  So I think at a time when I am "out for the count," it's harder to accept his generosity because I'm not actively able to take care of things for him and I don't know when I'll be able to.

I can't wait until I feel better because he isn't going to know what hit him--I'm already making a list of things to do when I'm feeling up to it.  It's going to be fun!  But even more so, because he won't be expecting it.  :)